Susan Tate’s Year – May

Thank God, Charles Dickens’s last antibiotic tablet.  It has been a battle of wills.  I’m sure he has a 6^th sense and knows when it’s due.  Today I found him on the top of the wardrobe behind a hat box.  A good deal of bribery with treats and coaxing eventually persuaded him down.  The vet gave me a pill dispensing contraption.  The theory is you load up the pill, hold the cat and put the gadget down its throat and depress the plunger.  It doesn’t work!  The pill falls out of the plunger and by the time I’ve scrabbled about the floor to retrieve it Charles Dickens has scarpered.  My method is just hold him, shove the thing down his throat and then clamp his mouth shut till he swallows.  A traumatic enterprise for both of us.  I don’t know how vets do this day in and day out.

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After the success of the Book Bank I was asked by the Council whether the library would have a Food Bank Box.  They are looking for more drop off points in the town as demand is increasing.  I have put Beth in charge, her grasp of social media and how to drive donations is far superior to Malcolm’s or mine.  This morning a series of large multi-coloured pieces of cardboard tied together by plastic binding was delivered with a note attached, ‘Assembly Instructions’.  The instructions were simply a QR code.  Beth tapped away at her phone and brought up a YouTube cartoon of a man constructing the box with helpful dos and don’ts emitting from a cartoon mouth on a packet of cereal.  I left Beth and Malcom to watch the video.  Two hours later the library became the proud possessor of an over-sized Food Bank Collection Box.  Roll in the tins, jars, and packets.

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It’s ‘Mental Health Awareness Week’.  We have, (well not techy dinosaur me), but Malcolm has linked the library website into a whole host of sites with information and tips.  There are posters up with a very zenned out person sitting crossed legged in the lotus position and I have arranged a series of lunchtime talks, one is ‘How to Relax in Small Spaces’.  I know I shouldn’t but I’m picturing a cardboard box.  I must spend less time with my cat!

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It hasn’t been a good day.  It was Rosemary’s funeral.  I’ve known Rosemary since school, she was the tall girl who all the boys fancied.  After university she joined MI5 or MI6, I never know which is which.  I used to tease her and call her Miss Moneypenny.  Rosemary never corrected me!  A card came announcing her death with the date of the funeral and a note ‘Rosemary has requested everyone attending the funeral wears florals and bright colours.  Please no black or sombre colours’.  This was typical Rosemary, she loved a party and dressing up.  Derek offered to come with me, it was tempting to see the look on the faces of my contemporaries, arriving on the arm of a younger man.  I wore my skirt with giant red poppies and a red jumper.  I wondered about a hat but couldn’t bring myself to wear a summer hat with a wide brim and flowers.  When I told Mum about the dress code there was a long silence down the phone and then she announced ‘I expect you and your sister to be head to toe in black, nothing less will do for me’.  So that told me.

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It was not your normal funeral.  There were no hymns or prayers.  We congregated in a carpark just off the main road.  Following behind a hand cart on which lay a wicker coffin we were led across a field, through a gate and into a small wood.  Rosemary’s older brother did the eulogy.  As a teenager I always fancied Rupert but 25 years on he has grown a paunch, turned grey and looks truly saggy and seedy.  He was the only one in a dark suit, Rosemary would have been very disappointed.  After the eulogy someone played the violin and then we were asked to throw a handful of earth into the grave.  It was explained to us that the wicker coffin and the body would over time merge into the earth leaving behind no earthly remains of Rosemary.  There will be no headstone or any form of permanent memorial.  I’m going to miss my old friend.

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I invited Derek to quiz night at the Bull & Buttercup.  We joined Beth, her boyfriend Justin, Malcolm and his mate Tom, a fish and chip supper was included.  There were 7 subject areas all with film titles, most were easy to deduce.

All the Presidents Men = news and current affairs

Around the World in 80 days = geography

Sound of Music = music

The Producers = films

The Hundred Foot Journey = food (apparently it is a film starring Helen Mirren about a restaurant owner)

Madame Curie = science

Anything Goes = miscellaneous

There were extra points if you knew the date of the films.  We did ok on the geography, news and food.  But science stumped us, who knows the periodic table by heart? None of us, but a woman in a tight-knit team in the corner obviously did, they scored 10/10.  She leapt up whooping and throwing her arms in the air.  We did a bit better on music, Malcolm and Tom are in the local brass band and had a broad knowledge.  The final round, completely random questions was our downfall.  Final placement 5^th.

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Tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers doing well, all little pots have miniature plants growing.  Yippee.