There’s too many Nuns in that boat. They’ll be in if they’re not careful. They pretend to be Irish you know, with their soft, sing-song voices, looking like dirty great big pints of Guinness.
It’s all a big con to make you like them, so you give them stuff for free.
Bastards they are, with rosary beads and rock-hard pointy-toed Rosa Klebb shoes, that really, really, hurt when they kick you.
Look! One of the buggers has fallen in, and another. Ha. Serves them right.
What do you mean cormorants? They’re Nuns. Hundreds of them.
They force feed you with slimy green liver and onions and when you’re sick as a pig they tell you you’re the ungrateful brat of a harlot because there’s babies dying in Biafra and it’s all your fault because you didn’t go to mass on Sunday.
A sandwich? No ta, I’ll just wait for my ‘99’.
When your mam has no money for the Bishops Fund you get sent at playtime to hand-brush the pulpit steps and when your knees are red raw and you ask for a hoover your bare legs get smacked to the slapping beat of You. Will. Waken. Jesus. Up. In. The. Tabernacle. and they spit on their hands first to make their smack marks better than their friends’ because they show off.
Listen, they’re screeching now. Falling in like lemmings. Is that little Sister Jude trying to help? Hey Jude, don’t make me sad; leave them floundering. They treated you as bad as us, worse maybe. Didn’t give you the lickings of a dog did they?
Toilet? No, I’ll hold it until we get back. It’s been my best birthday ever. A lifetime of nightmares swept out to sea.
It is my birthday today, isn’t it?
During July, August and September The Casket of Fictional Delights will feature the Flash Fiction Summer Collection. There are seven stories in this summer's collection from Susan Carey, Shirley Golden, Alex Reece Abbott, Rosie Canning, Gina Headden and Louise Mangos
Having lost my best friend who was a Roman Catholic Nun in 2015 and having other friends who are also nuns I found this Story deeply offensive.
Nuns and Priests do so much good work in the world and I feel they deserve a little more respect than this.
I am sorry but I had to say this.
Thank you for your comment. Not everyone has been as lucky as you with their experiences of nuns and the Roman Catholic Church
Hello Dianne,
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I never meant to either upset or offend any individual, and I am truly sorry for your loss. However, any piece of fiction may be inspired by anecdotal/personally experienced facts or imagination. This little story is a combination of all three, and at the end of the day, it is simply that – a story.
Regards Sandra