Oh honestly TS, how did you do that? Another nasty gash, I don’t know – you’ve been in a fight haven’t you? I’ve told you before not to mess around with the neighbours, that Eliot next door plays rough. You’ll have to go down to the surgery. I am not having it getting infected like last time. You know what a fuss you make about taking tablets. Oh just get in so I can do the clasp up. How else are you going to get there? I am not going to carry you.

No, I don’t know whether you will have to have an x-ray or stitches. But I can tell you now, you will get an injection. Please don’t cry, I know it hurts.

She told you not to rub or scratch it. Yes she did – don’t give me all that flimflam. What am I going to do with you? They gave you this special thing to wear, but it doesn’t fit properly and just makes you awfully unsteady. You won’t keep a bandage on – I tried that the last time you got into a fight.

I’ve been to Mothercare. Had terrible trouble finding something in your size. The shop assistant said this was the smallest. Now don’t sulk, it’s an all-in-one sleep suit, I can cut a bit off the arms and legs so it will fit you better. I said don’t sulk. White is a neutral colour, be grateful – it could have been pink or blue. The assistant asked was it for a boy or a girl. I told her it was for my cat. She looked at me most oddly.