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The Casket of Fictional Delights

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Blooming Hell

by Sandra Purdy

PodcastFlash Fiction Comical, Sinister

Envy consumed him. He lay motionless in bed, longing for sleep that refused to arrive. He had turned the spare bedroom into mission control, creating exquisite storyboards of garden designs, works of art in themselves. At work, he had received his final warning for being ‘on planet chuffing Titchmarsh’ and if he used the ‘chuffing AO size paper at £5 a chuffing time for poxy little drawings again, he would be sacked. Chuffing immediately’.

He fought this obsession, but his deluded mind kept mocking his failure to deliver planted perfection. He pleaded for something to help him cope, to sleep. A condescending head tilting doctor, simply advised him to ‘grow a pair’, chortling at his own apparent wit. It was his wife’s fault. If she hadn’t wanted ‘a nice coach-trip to Amsterdam’, he would never have seen Keukenhof Gardens, a place with tulips so stupendous, he couldn’t find words to describe them, so he whimpered instead.

The monotone, ‘our lawn is green, you’ve spent enough Colin’ had become her mantra. He knew she would balk when the conservatory was demolished but needs must. He had to make way for a contemporary Japanese Garden to pay homage to his horticultural Dutch Masters, then everything would be perfect, then sleep would come. He feigned denial about wanting a mini-digger that was an absolute bargain; she spluttered something about over her dead body.

No, the neighbours haven’t seen her for days, and yes, his nocturnal digging was peculiar.
The thermal-imaging camera was carefully manoeuvred under the blue-striped police tape tied between the drainpipe and the privet, where the conservatory had once stood. The handcuffs were chafing, but he smiled at how beautiful the mini Shinto Temple and crimson Osakazui plants looked in the autumn evening and rejoiced at how well he had been sleeping lately.

Seven colourful beach huts with blue sky, England
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You are listening to
Blooming Hell
by Sandra Purdy

https://thecasket.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Wk-3-Blooming-Hell.mp3

Story read by Richard Hodder for The Casket of Fictional Delights.

About Sandra Purdy

Sandra is short, dark, bespectacled and is relatively new to the addictive world of flash fiction. Prior to her success at The Casket of Fictional Delights she was Highly Commended in the Borderlines Book Festival 2015 for her first ever flash fiction attempt. She is, in her words ‘well chuffed!’

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One response to “Blooming Hell”

  • Pauline Smurthwaire says:
    August 3, 2021 at 8:30 pm

    Thoroughly enjoyed this intreguing little tale.

    Reply

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Starting in June and through to the end of September  The Casket of Fictional Delights presents more Susan Tate adventures.  Enjoy following a year in the life of Susan Tate the quirky librarian who lives in Canterbury with her cat Charles Dickens written by Joanna Sterling, read by Menna Bonsels and illustrated by Michael N Green.

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Text & stories © Joanna Sterling 2022
Stories © various authors
Editing by Joanna Sterling & Alyson Faye
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