Doubt follows me around the flat. Humming like a faulty plug socket, always about to threaten a nasty shock. It’s clear we’ve become too close. The choice of cereal takes up the morning. Words run and hide whenever I pick up my pen. Umms and errs abound. Tension mounts when her boyfriend, Fear starts staying over. I ask my friends for advice.
Disapproval turns her nose up and shakes her head in reproach – how could you get yourself into this situation? Contempt wants me to evict Doubt immediately. Apprehension isn’t too sure. Distraction suggests a trip to the seaside. I like the idea of a cone of chips on the pier but find myself in a quandary. Interest wants to know the basis of the tenancy, what did I say when Doubt first moved in? I struggle to remember. She popped round now and again but it was never meant to be permanent.
When it all feels too much, I go to my parents for the weekend. Mum says I’ve got plenty of room and that I should try and understand why Doubt has turned up now? My dad encourages me to tell her how I feel. Being the child of Openness and Honesty is irritating. I know they’re right. It’s time to square up to the situation, so I ask her to meet me for a drink. The pub is quiet, the atmosphere relaxed. I opt for the house red and I start to wonder if there’s really a problem. Doubt is hesitant but loosens up when I remind her that I’ll always be there for her. I just need some time to remember who I am.